


It's A Broken Mirror

by latenightamateur



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Amazingphil - Freeform, M/M, danisnotonfire - Freeform, ftm character, i know this is not how you tag sorry, please comment this is my first fic and i want to know if i should keep writing, trans!dan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-26
Updated: 2016-01-26
Packaged: 2018-05-16 09:11:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5822821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/latenightamateur/pseuds/latenightamateur
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It always seems very cliche to say that when you look in the mirror you do not always like what you see.</p><p>Dan Howell never really minded cliches.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's A Broken Mirror

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys this is the first fan fic that I've ever posted because I"m venting and figured why not finally do this. I know it isn't very good or anything I just felt like putting something out there.

 

* * *

It always seems very cliche to say that when you look in the mirror you do not always like what you see.

Dan Howell never really minded cliches.

* * *

Dan stood in the bathroom of his apartment. The mirror glistening back at him with a horrid reflection. Many times this had happened, and many times he would break.

He stuck his hands out in front of his chest, trying to block the lies he saw. His eyes were to feminine. His hips were just to curvey. His mind just ran to all the bad places.

_What if I am sick? What if what my mother used to scream at me is true? What if I am a freak? What if what if WHAT IF?_

 

_"What if they were all right?!"_

 

* * *

He would often find himself asking _why?_ Why was always the question that went unanswered. _Why do I have soft curves. Why isn’t my jaw sharper? Why isn’t my chest flat? Why am I not happy with the body I inhabit?_

 

But then there were the times that Dan would leave his body. Wandering to a different place, like he did not really exist.

_Maybe I’m not normal. Maybe I’m not on planet earth. Maybe I’m really just a speck of a star. Maybe I’m not even alive._

But he would always come too, and he would start asking questions again.

_Why am I still alive?_

* * *

"Why _am_ I still alive?” he said out loud to the girl in front of him.

 

Silence.

 

He knew where the blades were. He knew he made a promise to never touch them again. At times like this, when he was falling apart, he would feel temptation slowly luring him to his demise.

* * *

There was the sound of a door closing somewhere in the apartment.

 

“ _Dan? I’m home!”_

* * *

Dan remembered why he was alive. He remembered the blue eyes and dyed black hair. He remembered why he fought through wearing the binders and saving up his money. He did it for one reason. That reason flew through his mind as he threw the blades in the bin and put back on his shirt.

Dan took one last look in the mirror and decided it was broken. The broken mirror lied to him and told him what he wasn't. It told him what he never was.

* * *

He stepped out of the bathroom and into the arms of his reason to keep going.

 

He leaned back and kissed his reason on the cheek, then Dan whispered in his ear.

  
“ _I love you Philly, did you decide on dinner yet?”_ ~~~~

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE Comment if you liked or didn't like it. Feed back is always helpful. I would like to know if you guys think I should keep writing or quite before I humiliate myself. Thank you for Reading!


End file.
